On Being A Tough Chik

If you haven't figured it out by now, I used to have really crappy self esteem.  Loving and being happy with myself is something I struggle with daily.  Even though  I **KNOW** I am fit and do things many people can't/won't/don't, I sometimes continue to compare myself to the "ideal".  Thinking well of myself continues to be a growth process.

Thanks to my wonderful friend Amanda (AKA TooTallFritz), I found Team Tough Chik. 

THIS IS WHAT TOUGH LOOKS LIKE.  Yes!  Talk about major positive mantra.  Because I call myself a lot of things, good and bad, but I KNOW I am tough.  I sometimes get frustrated because I feel like I have to work harder than everyone else to get to the same place, and sometimes the results (really, my weight) doesn't reflect the effort.  But Tough?  Heck ya!

2012 has been a breakthrough year for me--Joining Team Tough Chik, racing 4 sprint triathlons in as many months and PLACING for the first time in my life, my first half marathon . . . just in general realizing there is nothing I can't do. That I am fit and strong.  Even though the number on the scale says I am obese and "at risk".  Finally releasing a lot of the anger associated with the fat that acted as a defense mechanism growing up.  I am not perfect.  But I will not let the scale define me.   I do not fit a mold.  I may not look like an endurance athlete, but I am. And none of that wouldn't have happened if having my little girl hadn't spurred me to make a change in my life.

We each have a unique story that makes us who we are.  Yours makes you awesome.  Take your life, and if you aren't happy with something, CHANGE IT. We do not all come from a single mold, so we all have our own stories, lives and paths.  It doesn't mean we can't achieve the secret dreams we have for ourselves. 

Being a Tough Chik means so much to me.  Beyond the great people I've met, it also forces me to reflect on what TOUGH really is.
 
TOUGH is pushing yourself
TOUGH is also knowing when to listen to your body
TOUGH is feeding yourself right so you can do amazing things
TOUGH is never compromising your values
TOUGH is asking for help when you need it
TOUGH is making the conscious decision to see the beauty in your life 
TOUGH is believing .  . . IN YOURSELF. 

Change

This phrase is so true--not just in workouts, but in life.  With my "fit-versary" coming up, I feel like I should talk about the catalyst for my biggest change.

I can't believe my daughter is turning 4 in 5 short days.  I never even wanted a daughter--I've never been a girlie-girl. Give me bugs, dirt and camping over makeup, princesses and dolls any day of the week.  So I was surprised and a little scared when God decided to bless us with a girl.  It didn't take me long to realize that **I** was going to a be a role model for her.  Me back then didn't love myself. I put myself down, I hated myself every time I looked in the mirror. No self confidence. I always talked about wanting to change, but never did it.

 

Summer was born and I realized I did not want her to grow up with those same issues.  I wanted her to look in the mirror and know she was strong and confident.  I KNEW that if I wanted her to have that kind of self esteem, I needed to fix my own first. Because she would learn from me.

I'll never forget one of my first running outings with my dear friend Allison . . . she said to me "You seem really committed.  What's different this time?"   I told her I was done.  I was ready to be more.   You have to be ready for change.

I was so blessed, as I began my journey, to have a great support system.  Active friends who encouraged me to run.  My husband, who stayed home with both kids so that I could go to boot camp.  The trainers there pushed me.  But I pushed myself too.  I never quit.  They underestimated me at first and I relished in proving them wrong.

But it was Summer, my beautiful, crazy, always challenging daughter, that made me realize I needed to take the plunge.  For me.  For her.  For every girl who has never felt worthy of love or good things because of her size.

So thanks, baby girl, for making mommy face herself and grow.  Its her birthday, but in a way, I was reborn too.  And if there is anything I can't stress enough, there is something amazing in each of us. Just waiting to come out. 

 Last, but not least, I have to share this brilliant ad campaign by Nike.  You've probably seen it by now, but it always makes me tear up.  Because Greatness really is in each of us.  I hope we can show the next generation that. 

Race Report - Key Biscayne Triathlon Trilogy Bonus Round

I've harbored a secret dream since I got my road bike and discovered how much I love biking. . . a dream that involved me on a podium getting a medal for placing.  I'm not that strong of a swimmer or a runner, but I've discovered I'm a semi-decent cyclist.  The fat girl that still lives in me--the one that could never do the monkey bars and was always picked last in gym class--would never have considered placing in the top 3 in any physical event.

When I got my USAT membership and decided to start Tri-ing this summer, I didn't really think I would be able to pull off all 4 races of this series.  Its a lot to consistently train for, even though the distances are relatively short.  The one I did in 2009 was excruciatingly difficult for me.  But I'm learning my fitness is much better than I give myself credit for.  Going in the bonus race, I was pretty darn sure I was going to make that podium, but scared to say anything out loud.

Race day was beautiful--a nice easterly breeze (read--tail wind for the swim so NO BIG WAVES!).  My morning was marred slightly by a jerk moving my bike out of the end spot I had arrived nice and early to secure.  He swore up and down "It wouldn't matter" because he would be long gone by the time I returned.  Sorry, dude, didn't realize the fact that you were fast gave you license to be a complete asshole pooh-pooh head.  Its okay though, I believe in karma.

As usual, while we were waiting for the swim to start, I started feeling terribly unprepared.  This happens EVERY race.  Once the swim started, it took me a few minutes to settle in to my stroke.  I really need to work on that--I think I lose a good minute getting comfortable.  The swim FELT slow, compared to last race.  Transition felt slow too.  On the way out of T1, I thanked my lucky stars for the 1000th time that I didn't wear cycling shoes as I listened to people pound out of transition on their cleats.   The bike was windy, but great.  I'm probably known for yelling words of encouragement at everyone I pass . . .  On the 2nd time heading over the Rickenbacker, I encouraged another athlete.  She caught up to me on the run to say thanks and we ended up enjoying each other's company for the last mile and a half.  But before the run, I had to shove pooh-pooh head's $4,000+ tri bike out of my spot again so that I would have a place to rack my bike.  Despite that, in and out of T2 in less than a minute again.  Have I mentioned how glad I am not to have cycling shoes to deal with yet??  :-) .

I crossed the finish line tired, but not nearly as exhausted as last time.  I would be annoyed that I didn't push harder on the run, except for the fact that there was 7 minutes (!!) between myself and the 1st place finisher.  She ran a 26 minute 5K, so I don't think me pushing "a little more" would have put me in first.  Splits broke down like this:

Swim/run 0:10:10

T1 4:44

Bike 0:36:11

T2 0:55

Run 0:35:51

Total 01:27:51.45

 I knew when I crossed the finish line that I had done well, simply because I knew I had passed a few of my stronger competitors on the run.  But I was incredibly excited to see it was 2nd.   My daughter is turning 4 this month, and it was her birth that got me started on my fitness revolution.  It was SO FITTING that this first should come on her birth month.


My neighbor/friend/swim "coach"/inspirational counterpart, Julie, rocked the fat tire division for a 1st place.  It was so awesome that we both made the podium!

 All in all, a great race.  I need to improve my run and swim, but the BIKE is definitely my strong suit.  And my ability to hold the run after spinning my legs off for 36 minutes).   Looking forward to improving the other two over the winter months.

Nothing beats my son's response when I got home.  I told him I had a special medal if he wanted to wear it because I finished 2nd in my group.  He said to me "WOW, great job mom!  Maybe if you train harder, next time you can have first next time!"  Maybe so, silly boy.  But I've never been so happy to come in 2nd!

I'm not quite sure what's next.  I may tri ONE more time before the end of the season--I'm undecided about a race next month.  After that, everything is going to be focused on preparing for Ragnar Relay Florida Keys in January.   Hubs and I will be running that one together so I'm stoked for it--its going to be epic.

Do you yoga?

September in National Yoga Month.  It's also my daughter's birth month.  My fitness journey began the moment she was born, so I've been thinking a lot this month about how far I've come and how much I've changed.  About where I want to go.   Yoga has been a HUGE, HUGE part of my journey.

Its so funny, the reasons that people give (both the active and the sedentary set) for not doing yoga.

Yoga makes me sleepy.
I want to sweat during my workouts.
I'm not flexible.

i started doing yoga from P90X, but it wasn't until I went to a class taught by a friend of mine that I really became a Yogi.  It isn't about how flexible you are.  It isn't about how much you can or can not do.  Its about honoring your body and where you are in it, embracing and loving every aspect of it.  Its about being present in the moment.

I could spend hours and hours spouting about how much yoga has changed my life.  If running is for my body, yoga is for my mind.  It has helped keep me healthy over these past 4 years.  It has helped keep my mind grounded and has helped me remember how to stay sane in the chaos that is my life.

Something that many people do not realize is that yoga has an incredibly healing component as well.  I've had pain and injuries that have been alleviated through yoga.  I'm so blessed that my friend, who specializes in therapeutic yoga, came into my life.  Any time I find myself in pain, she is able to give me a couple things to do on a daily basis that help my body heal itself.  That is an AMAZING thing.  Its easy to become frustrated when you start to feel pain. Before yoga became a part of my routine, I would either push through pain or back completely off so that my body could heal.  Now I am able to acknowledge pain, think about its causes, and come up with a management plan that does not hinder my training.

So it made me laugh when the USAT published this article, "Why Yoga Can Benefit Endurance Athletes".  My response was WELL DUH!  But I forget not everyone is "enlightened" in that regard.  That is the incredible thing about yoga.  You are never too young, too old, too fat or too thin for it.  My kids ask to do yoga all the time when their muscles get achy.


With all of the the things I've achieved on the fitness front, the first time I popped up in wheel definitely rates right up there with all-time highs. For a girl who was neither flexible nor had any upper body strength, it was a pretty cool achievement.  Forget the list of things you are or aren't when you think about why you CAN'T do yoga.  Let me assure you that you can.  I could not even reach my toes 3.5 years ago. 

(Pardon the chaos going on in this picture. . . gives you an idea of my every day life, and the fact that you can't see my hands.  Totally did this with a timer!)

Spread your wings this month and give yoga a try.  Find a great studio.  Look for free community classes in your area.  Your body and your spirit will thank you!

What's your favorite thing about yoga?  Or what fears do you have that was keeping you from giving it a try?  Take those fears and kick them aside after you post them!