Take Pride

Something exceedingly exciting is happening on Saturday morning.  I get to get on a plane, all by myself, and go see one of my most favorite people in the world, Allison.  Allison and I became friends when I was pregnant with my daughter.  I have been blessed with a lot of wonderful people in my life, but Allison is one of those friends that always *got* me.  No need for words, explanations, or anything else.   After Summer was born, she and I went on a few short runs together.  I remember her asking what had changed to make me want to change.  I remember telling her all of it--that I was tired of talking about it, that I wanted more for myself and for my daughter.  That my own body image would set the tone for how my kids--but especially my daughter--would see themselves.

I've been on this road to fitness since September 2008.  Part of what I REALLY wanted for myself this year was to quit being so critical of my body.  My body image has improved by leaps and bounds over the past four years, since I started shedding the weight, but I still tend to look in the mirror and see flaws.  More than that, though, I look at the number on the scale and just get flat out ticked.   I actually gained about ten pounds last year when I turned thirty.  This year I made the decision to not be obsessive about my food choices, but to eat well and work hard.   I wanted to stop focusing on the scale and start focusing on being stronger, faster, and balanced.  In running and in life.

There's been a picture circulating on facebook lately showing a bunch of  ladies who weigh 150lbs.  This is the "magic" number for my 5' 4" frame.  The weight at which I'm no longer considered obese.  The closest I've gotten to this number was around 165lbs and that was a good 10+/- pounds ago.  I'm not entirely sure what I weigh these days because I put my scale away.

 BMI (Body Mass Index) is, in my book, an evil entity.  Taking into consideration only your height and weight, it pops out a number which then categorizes you as ideal weight, obese, morbidly obese, etc.  I still fall into the obese category.  Many women are embarassed to admit their weight, but I want to scream mine to anyone to listen.  I want the world to know that just because you weigh more than you are "supposed to," it doesn't mean you are unhealthy.  Just like weighing your "ideal weight" doesn't make you fit.

The girl on the left weighed 220. She never went to the gym.  I had to DIG to find a picture of myself at this weight because I routinely hid from the camera.  Its pretty sad that I only have a handful of pictures of myself with my son in his first two years of life.   That girl on the RIGHT can go all day if she needs to. She swims, she bikes, she runs, she pumps.  I'm not scared to get in front of the camera.  

So, I feel like I should apologize for posting a picture of myself in a bikini, but I'm really not sorry.  Its scary to post a picture like that . . . because I know my body isn't perfect and it isn't the "ideal."  But those legs have carried me over hundreds of miles over the past two years.  They can press more than 90lbs beyond my weight in the gym.  Those arms have carried my kids and schlep produce for dozens of people every month.  My stomach housed the two most important people in my world.  (And by the way, my little girl is in BOTH those pictures. Oh how the years go by!)  The only way we can change how the world defines beauty is by being confident and taking pride in ourselves.  We all should celebrate where we are and how far we've come.  Maybe we aren't where we need to be yet, but you have to have faith you can get there.

I'm so so so excited that this weekend I get to be with my amazing friend as she does an amazing milestone race.   Her first time running double digits.  She, like so many of us, is selling herself short when she talks about how she thinks she will do.   When I saw the Larson quote from the graphic above, I immediately thought of her.  She doesn't know she is strong.  She, like so many of us, sometimes sells herself short.  I can't wait to see the look on her face at that finish line.

Take pride in your strengths instead of focusing on the weaknesses.  Don't look at what you need to change when you look in the mirror--see the things that are amazing and make you who you are.  See the things that make you strong.  Because I promise you . . . you are.

I will leave you with this--and it, like so much of the motivation I find in life, came from a yoga class taught by my friend Susan . . .  If you have somewhere where you want to get in life, you must first take note of where you are.  You can not look up directions to a location on Mapquest without first typing in your starting address.  You must first look at where you are.  As as you look at where you are, take pride in it.  It may not be where you want to be, but at least you are thinking about where you want to go.  If there is somewhere you want to be, accept that you would like to get there and make a plan to help you arrive at your destination.  You are strong.  You can get there.  But remember that often times, the journey is just as amazing as the goal.  Take pride in yourself, every step of the way.