One Day At A Time

I still owe you guys a race report from the Bonus Round of the Mack Cycle Triathlon Trilogy.  It would appear I'm slipping again in the blog realm.  It seems there are just not enough hours in the day to train, get school work done with the kids, work, make dinner, and keep my house clean.  Oh wait, my house isn't clean. 4/5 isn't bad, right?  Oh, snap.  That's a B.  I don't like "Bs". Perhaps there is a grading curve??

I digress.  I'm currently in freak-out mode, and trying very hard to take things one day at a time.  The whole "one day at a time" thing is keeping me from having a nervous breakdown, mostly about school stuff with the kiddos.  Partially because I am so annoyed with our government.   Partially because I'm a little worried I over-reached in planning my schedule for the next six weeks. Partially because anxiety issues run in my family.

In the next six weeks, I have a sprint tri, a week off, The Halloween Half Marathon, a week off, and then the Miami Man International Triathlon.  This race is my goal race for the year--I just want to be able to NOT DIE (specifically, drown, but I am now less worried about that then I am keeping a decent pace for 26 miles on my bike and then running afterward).    In addition, in the spring, I promised myself that I would break an 11 minute mile pace at the Halloween Half Marathon this year.  

So, pace.  Being a middle-of-the-packer is sort of annoying.  I've been running for several years, and have watched many runners who are new blow out times that are far faster than mine.  For a while I convinced myself that my pace is my pace.  But my last two distance running events last year showed me I *CAN* be faster if I just work at it.  But I KNOW I have to work for it.  The thing that makes you faster is running outside your comfort zone.  I know that this is why I haven't gotten "faster".  Although, really, I have . . . my first half was at a 13 min mile pace and my second was at an eleven min mile pace.  But still.  I'm ready for more.  Yes, comparison is the thief of joy.  But I want RELENTLESS FORWARD PROGRESS too.

So I've been putting in the miles--September was the highest mileage month for me since probably January, when I hit 70 miles.  I've never been a high-mileage kind of girl, I enjoy too many other things to run more than 3-4 days a week.  But when I hit the send button on our entries for the Halloween Half this week, I had a moment of complete panic.  Have I done enough work?  Have I put in enough time on tempo runs and speed work (two things I HATE) to sustain a good pace?  Were my times in the spring completely influenced by the cold weather?  (Both races were in 50-60 degree weather).  Can I sustain a sub 11 minute pace on a balmy October morning?

Add in the fact that our YMCA has decided to close our pool for the season, which makes getting pool time for triathlon training INFINITELY more complicated.  Yes, we have a pool in our community, but its a heck of a lot harder to swim laps when you also need to make sure your children don't drown.  Add in trying to work around school schedules, work schedules, my husbands meeting schedules . . . and his training schedule too since he is doing the Halloween Half along with me.  Blah, blah, blah.  In the end, these races are happening. Whether I am ready or not, these two big races are happening in the next six weeks.  And yeah, I'm a little scared.  Scared of not meeting my goals.

Saying goals out loud freaks me out more than a little.  I worry about failing.  I don't always believe in myself.  I tend to freak out about my pace if I have a concrete goal.  I worry about failing.  I worry about being judged as being slow.  People expect certain things when you (talk about) run(ning) as much as I do.  Sometimes I get the "you aren't faster than that?" look.

But you know what?

You have to believe it to achieve it.  Its hard to remember that each and every workout, each and every scrap of sweat you put in makes a difference.  You have to trust in the process.  You have to take things one day at a time, and remember that in the end, it adds up.  You have to trust in the process. You have to take it one day at a time.  You have to believe that in the end, the miles and the sweat and the tears will add up.  


And you have to believe that you worked hard enough. That you can do it. That you are tough enough.

 

Dilemmas like this are why I love Team Tough Chik, by the way. Because not everyone wants to listen to me lament on all this.  Not everyone gets it. But my toughie teammates do.  Team Tough Chik registration is open RIGHT NOW, and I'm so glad to be in for another year of greatness.

I find myself watching this video before nearly every workout lately, because the voiceover really resonates.  I HAVE come along way, and sometimes I get caught up in the "look how far you've come."  But while I've come a long way, I still want to go further.  I want to get faster.

"The voice you have chosen to listen to is one of defiance. . .Sit up, put your feet on the floor, because we have work to do.  Welcome to the grind.  For what is each day but a series of conflicts between the right way and the easy way. . . When you make that choice, when you decide to turn your back on what is comfortable, what is safe, what some would call 'common sense,' well, that's day 1.  From there, it only gets tougher. . . The easy way out will always be there. . .This is no time to dwell on how far you've come . . . Remember, this is The Grind, the Battle Royale between you and your mind . . . Drown out the voice of uncertainty with the sound of your own heartbeat. . .  REMEMBER WHAT WE'RE FIGHTING FOR. . . Is that all you've got? Are you sure? . . . Believe that voice that says you can run a little faster . . . When your time comes, and a 1,000 different voices are trying to tell you that you aren't ready for it, listen instead to that lone voice of dissent.  The one that says you are ready, you are prepared, it's all up to you now."

I feel like I'm rambling, so I'll be done now. Here's hoping that you can take it one day at a time, too, while at the same time making those days count.  These are not easy times, but tough times don't last.  We're all tough enough to outlast the tough times.